Conflict Management

Scenario: Your friend just doesn't get the concept of your life, and he's genuinely concerned for your saftey. You don't want to be inconsiderate, so what do you do?

http://www.livebold.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/two-guys-arguing.jpg

I just encountered the problem a few days ago, with my buddy Justin. It was over a girl whom I would refer to as Lemons, to protect her privacy to an extent, though she has a blog found here. (Disclaimer; PG 15)

Sweet, isn't she...Appearances are deceiveing

(Photo's hers)

Well first of all the both of us look out for each other, so we both need a mind at peace. Then we are both concerned about misjudgement. I'm concerned that he would think me unwise and reckless, and he that I was heading for emotional hurtsville. I was anxious about the misconception he would concieve, and he was anxious about my well being and santity.We were both concerned with each other's mindset (He misunderstood why I write to her; I failed to recognized the pretenses of his concern) and I with my pride.

So what to do?

One solution is to reason with him. If you can make him see through your eyes and mindset, then maybe he would understand. Acknowledge his concerns and fears, so he would be pacified and be assured that you are listening. Ask another friend to help you if you can't explain it exactly. Use examples that make sense to him. Guide him to how you feel. You would generally avoid trying to be aggressive, as that would antagonize him somemore.

Another solution would be to avoid it. I would generally shy away from this solution, but if this causes a great enough problem, I would consider it. I would temporarily concede and do nothing that would aggrivate him or trigger his concern. I would talk about something else and avoid the subject. As a solution, it is recomended as a last resort, as the unresolved conflict may result in more tension.

How did it go? Well, after an intense arguement in trying to execute solution one as we both failed to give in to each other, and emotion soon took over, he left and after experienceing the horrors of a jeering mob, I had a breakdown. Soon we came to accept it.

Let this be a lesson to all of you: have your fights in private, as fights (entertaining as they are) end up in the mobbing of the loser by the less mature.

STRESS...advice on it

I deal with this in a few different ways. First, I channel my emotions into poetry. For example:



Silence, my old, dear, friend
The loudest sound I will ever hear:
The universe in motion,
Groaning, moaning,
Crying out
Its pain, falling
On deaf ears



You might notice that when you read this.

 Second, I try to condition myself to save all the emotion trips to the weekends and before school, supplementing this by the special mix of coffee I drink. I don’t know how, but it just helps me let it all out.

Classic
http://lh5.ggpht.com/abramsv/SAbnpQ2pp3I/AAAAAAAAOpQ/eFOcNqbFGIY/espresso.jpg

Third, I use songs to psyche me up in the morning, such as “Martini Kiss” by Senses Fail, and “Comatose” by Skillet. Then after school, I would listen to songs I would associate with specific memories, so I wouldn’t think about them too much while doing homework, for example, I associate “You and I” By Lady Gaga with memories of Annika (crazy times...) and our sort of frenemy relationship.



I feel like this guy sometimes...
http://d.yimg.com/ec/image/v1/track/4464097;encoding=jpg;size=200;fallback=defaultImage



Fourth, I would keep a book with me, so I can escape for awhile in a different world, as someone else.

( The guy version of this)
http://quirkygirlsread.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/5161girl-reading-book-posters.jpg

Fifth, I would keep myself distracted from it, school work or otherwise, by things such as personal projects, wiki-ing random stuff (like the in game history of Halo) and games and T.V. on weekends. If a particularly strong memory comes up on the spot, I would give myself a crazy “what if situation”, like what if someone I know got pregnant and didn’t want the kid, what would I do. If all else fails, I would just let myself breakdown in a quiet place and let it all out. Then I put on the “diamond” mindset, which is, “I will endure, no matter how banged up I get, I will still be here tomorrow”. I admit that this strategy may not be the best, but the thing is, I have a universal, some might say irrational, distrust of guidance counselors and therapists.



(They're Paid to listen to you/ and smile like that!!!)
http://www.boiseweekly.com/imager/b/magnum/1876911/3ede/8days_extra1-1_GuidanceCounselor.jpg



Yeah...